Dying of laughter

As I post this, I am sitting in my room crying with laughter (not totally alone, mind you...Luke from More to Love is keeping the edge of loneliness at bay for the time being) and stumbled upon this article from AVClub...which is one of my favorite websites anyway. 

http://www.avclub.com/articles/american-apparel-just-fucking-with-us-now-and-fore,32057/

I went to American Apparel earlier today and am marveling at how accurate this is. READ IT. you'll laugh. 

Harry Potter and the Omission of Poignant Storyline Details

A Review of the 6th Theatrical Installment

This is probably the most belated thing ever to be written about anything but I delayed my personal  viewing of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince for several reasons. #1 I have always gone to the MIDNIGHT showing at the Uptown since the very first one (remember when we were on TV?!) and I felt awkward not being able to do so this summer. #2 I am just getting comfortable with the idea of going to movies alone. This weekend, however, my parents decided to take an impromptu T-ho vacation without telling me...leaving me alone to face my fear. The movie theater near my house was only showing HP on a 3-D IMAX screen...for $20. Well, let me tell you, friends...IT WAS WORTH IT!!!!! I felt extremely uncomfortable wearing the glasses alone but there were only like 6 other people in the theater (one was a 50-something man who was mildly attractive...I should have made a move, probably) so who cares. 

I must say that I have been a HUGE (like, psychotic proportions) Harry Potter fan since I was 12 and the first book came to the States. Every year, I would gaze longingly from my bedroom window in hopes of seeing a snowy owl delivering that sacred letter. One time, a pigeon flew into the glass and almost died and I took that particularly hard as I thought it may have been a sign from the big man himself- Dumbledore, I mean. But now I'm 22 and done with all the schooling I know about so one would think I've given up hope (I haven't). When the movies first came out I was nervous like every hardcore HP-er, nervous that they would suck and take away all of the righteousness of the novels. But the casting has been excellent and the movies are great. Not only have they included some of my favorite actors of all time (Alan Rickman, Maggie Smith, Helena Bonham Carter), but the god-like casting agents have given us two brand new panty creamers to adore in the form of Daniel Radcliffe and Rupert Grint. 

Before the release of each movie I re-read every book (I just like them a lot ok?!) not because I'm trying be to that annoying girl ("um, excuse me, but Dolores Umbridge was chased into the forest by Centaurs!") about details but it just gets me in the mood. Up until this last movie, however, I was able to see past the glaring omission of certain plot details that feature prominently in the novel. This past movie, as much as I enjoyed it, was unfortunately by far the most loosely interpreted so I think its important to completely separate the movie series from that of the books. Apples to oranges, if you will. Not only were some points out of order, but the most beautiful line in all of literature (when the weakened Dumbledore says "I am not worried, Harry, I am with you" - I mean. My eyes are tearing up even now) was completely left out for random asinine moments that can only be described as a weakened attempt at British teen romantic "humour"- I seriously just did not understand why the director decided to take this direction, peppering a fine screenplay with meaningless banter. Hermione also sucked in this movie (not the strong, can-do woman we normally expect) and was annoying and cry-y and whiny. If I were Ron, I would have gone with Lavender too. The end was a major cop out as well. I suppose filming a full-fledged wizard funeral complete with flying carriages and Mermish serenades may have put quite a strain on an already ball busting budget ... but that whole lighted-wand shindig seemed more appropriate for a U2 concert- lighters up, y'all. I mean. 

Complaining this much about one of my favorite pastimes is very hard for me. Despite my griping, I left this movie with a smile on my 3-D bespectacled face and, of course, wanting more. I CAN'T WAIT TO RE-READ THE ENTIRE SERIES IN ANTICIPATION OF THE LAST 2 (TWO!!!) FILMS!!! Back to waiting for my owl...

Update on Previous Post

So apparently they found Ryan (the murder suspect) dead in British Columbia. I wonder if he had time to cut off his own fingers and knock out his teeth before committing suicide? Upon hearing the news my mom paused and said "well, good. at least our money won't be wasted on an expensive trial." 

Does this mean they'll start re-airing the unseen Megan episodes?!?! I am forever hopeful. 

Hooray for Plastic Surgery!!

I don't know how many of you are addicted to VH1 D-list reality shows like myself but this whole murder mystery surrounding one of the king douche bags on "Megan Wants a Millionaire" is so SO twisted. This model (by model I mean a COCKtail waitress at the Playboy Bunny club in our beloved Vegas) was found battered and dead and STUFFED INTO A SUITCASE. Someone had removed her TEETH and FINGERS. Without dental records, the identification of mutilated bodies is decidedly more difficult but our modern day Jack-the-Ripper underestimated detectives by leaving her surgically enhanced breasts untampered. This woman, turns out was eventually identified by serial number on he implants!!! This is straight from CSI. It's crazy. And sad. Anyway, maybe Double-F implantations with personalized information are not for everyone but perhaps we should all have some sort of chip in us...my dog has one in case she runs away, so clearly the technology is adaptable to organic species. Just a thought. 

Unfortunately for addicts like me, VH1 has decided to postpone the release of future episodes indefinitely...or until this guy, who seemed like a pretty first rate contender from the first few episodes, is (unlikely) proven innocent. How will I ever know who Megan chose? (Apparently it's not him btw because its suspected that he ran away to Canada...Literally. Like, on foot) *tear* HOW WILL I EVER GET MY TRASHY REALITY FIX NOW?!!?!? uhhhh. 

My Grueling Summer Schedule

So. A lot of you out there have been curious as to how I have been spending my post graduate days. I really did not think much of it as I've been having a pretty leisurely (to put it modestly) time in the Silver State. But. It's August (!!!) now... almost a two full months later and I myself have  begun to wonder what the hell I've been doing. So, how does a girl who (A) lives in a place so hot its lethal to step outside during daylight hours (B) has no friends in her new place of residence and (C) is utterly and entirely without employment spend her days?? What follows is a pretty accurate progression of most of my days:

10:00am- I awake. Anyone who is my friend is probably laughing because in my previous life it was a miracle if I saw daylight before noon. But now that I am older and maturing, I find that I can get up early!

10:15-11:00am- breakfast! I never used to eat breakfast (I guess probably because I got up after lunch) but I'm becoming a very prolific omelette chef.

11:00- noon - workout with a trainer or doctor's appointment or some such errand

1:00pm - LUNCH. Also includes "obsession time" which can last anywhere from 5 minutes to the rest of the day depending on my mood. This is when I freak out a little about the fact that I have no job, no discernible future, and discover new and potentially life threatening ailments that require the immediate attention of a doctor (thus the weekly appointments...)

3:00 - Tyra.

4:00 - Oprah.

5:00 - Ina.

(my girls!)

6:00 - pick up stuff for dinner. My family used to be very carry-out oriented but as both the mother and I are out of employment we have savored the art of home cooked meals. By we I mean she. She cooks.

8:00 - take my dog for a walk. This is my first (surprising) mention of a creature who basically is the star of my life.

9:00 - email/computer time. Check in on Perez, Washingtonpost.com, and send apps and emails/reply to the various Production Companies, Employment Agencies, Craigslistings, Personal Contacts that have yet to procure any real employment results. (I'm still hopeful!)

11:00 - Read til bed. (updates on on lcthebookclub.blogspot soon but right now I am finishing The Brief Wondrous Life (I know I know I'm, like, so behind the curve) and I just read The Abstinence Teacher by Tom Perrotta - a must for fans of his Little Children)

As you can see, this schedule allows for a lot of self-reflection- resulting in both positive and negative action. Things get really spicy when Lark and I take in a flick at the local casino (sup Red Rock Gaming Co.) and I go visit people every other week... Well. At least I'm getting up early enough to see natural sunlight!

More burning questions:

Q. Do you really not have ANY friends out there??

A. No. Literally, none. Like NO. My phonebook has literally ZERO contacts from the LV area.

Q. Do you like LV?

A. No.

Q. Aren't you, like, bored?

A. Honestly, no. I'm an only child. I don't really mind being alone and I can always find ways of self amusement...like... starting a blog?! Weekends kindof suck and are awkward but I've gotten over it. 

Q. Where do you want to live??

A. Right now LA for sure! But I'm not ruling out NY if I can somehow get a job there...

Thanks to all my (3) followers! You are the fire in my soul. 

Lans is coming soon! So exci! 

This blog would not be complete without the one who started it all..and to be honest it was her idea to start a "fashionista" blog in the first place...because we're, like, both SOOOOO fashion forward. Alanna will begin updating as soon as I can figure out how to make her an admin. This is probably the most exciting thing I've done all summer besides spend an entire day (July 5) curled in bed with a friend and ordering three different types of delivery foods in a 12 hour period while watching constant replays of "Michael Jackson" The Life, The Legacy" specials...both of us too incapacitated to move or ponder the events of the previous night. 

WILL ANYONE BESIDES ME EVER READ THIS? 

waiting for my boyfriend outside his car in Santa Monica

I have no idea in what direction to take this blog (much like the state of my life post-college right now) but for all intents and purposes this probably will not be a "Fashionista" blog (hahaha lans) and I probably will not make any money from this...but I will try. 

The name "Tutto e Gratis" was inspired by a quarter abroad in Florence in which one of my friends, superseding all conventions of normalcy and morality, was able to procure an abundance of goodies by simply asking "e gratis?" meaning "it's free?" which really always came out as more of a statement than a question. 

Lesson Learned: The best things in life (shoes, kebab, free entry to Twice and Space) may not be free but that does not mean you can't shamelessly demand that they should be.